A Disapointing May

Its May and it is still snowing here at least once every 3 days. I still have winter coats in the closet because we still have to use them randomly and the kids skirts and shorts are collecting dust from never being used. But this last week brought us a few decent days of haphazard sunshine that made it warm enough to go outside for an hour or two and this brief window of decent temperature allowed Matt to put up the trampoline that we got for the kids as a joint Birthday present (the grandparents also chipped in). The kids have only been able to jump on it a total of 3 times since the snow and rain like to come at random times throughout the day, but those 3 times were pretty awesome. The pure joy on their faces as they jumped and ran and acted like goofballs was the best, i really hope the snow decides to stop tormenting us soon and the sun can finally come out and stay for awhile.

Missing you...

Its late and i should be in bed. Knox has been up the last few nights with a cold and Ava peed the bed the last two nights so we were rocking a baby and changing sheets and its been a tiring few days, but i can't sleep. I'm having one of those nights were my mind won't turn off. I'm thinking about things i haven't thought about for years. I'm wondering and thinking of what ifs and none of it is relevant so i don't know why i am even thinking it, but i am.

A few years ago me and a friend parted ways. There were so many reasons and yet it feels like there were none at all. We had been growing apart for years but even though its been over 5 years since we even had a discussion, all i can think is why? Why do some people come in your life, and seem to have this huge impact and then they leave. And is it easy for them? Do they ever think of you too? Do they miss you and want to call and write but don't. Or am i just a loser who needs to get over it and move on....maybe don't answer that.

Life is a really funny thing. I'm a marketing major who dreamed of living in a big city. Who wore heels everyday and didn't think twice about it. I thought concrete was beautiful in its simplicity and bug free existence. I liked kids but from a safe distance where they couldn't put their grubby little hands on my outfit or where i wouldn't have to fain interest in whatever it was they were jabbering on about. And now here i am. I quit my job last week and am now unemployed for the first time since i was 14. I'm a wife and a mother and i live in the country and i haven't even worked in a marketing firm.  Don't get me wrong I love my kids and my husband to pieces, they make me happy every single day but sometimes i stop and think this was  not in my plan. And plans change and that is ok and i couldn't imagine my life any other way then what it is right now but if you asked me 7 years ago if this is what my life would be i would have laughed and asked if you were drunk. So coming full circle to my previous thought about this friend of mine, she kept telling me i was the one who changed and i kept thinking she was crazy i have not changed at all, and then i think about what my dreams and goals were and what they are today and i think she was right, they have changed. But i still have lots of the same friends as before so why couldn't this one last? Why was this one, this person who knew me better then anyone, why was she the one that couldn't accept my change?

I know this post is a whole bunch of babble and i wish i could attribute it to an empty wine bottle, but i have yet to have a drink tonight so it is all just me, and my crazy mind, and my heart feeling a little sad tonight because i really miss that friend sometimes and i really wish i could tell her about my kids and my life and she is getting married in September and i really want to talk about it with her because its something she has been waiting for, forever. She is finally marrying her high school sweetheart and i am feeling all kinds of sad that i won't be there to see it and i really wish i was one of those people that moves on fast and lets go but all i can' think about is how we used to talk about this day for hours and we had everything planned out and i was going to be the maid of honor and now I'm not even going to be there and my heart really hurts about it. And since i can't tell her any of this i am going to write it down because it makes me feel a little better and maybe one day she will find this blog and read it and she will know that i still think of her and care about her and i am really sad that we couldn't stay in each others lives but mostly i want her to know that i am really happy she got her fairytale ending.

So now i am going to go have that glass of wine and check on my sleeping babies and then I am going to cuddle up to my sweet husband and I am going to remind myself of all i have and all that i have to be thankful for and i'll send off the best of wishes to the friend i lost and i'll give thanks to the ones that have stuck by my side.

Happy Easter!

Easter has always been a big deal in my family. Being brought up Catholic, Easter always meant countless hours at Church, giving up something important and lastly lots of Chocolate. When i was young i didn't really focus on what Easter was all about according to the Church, now that i am older i realize more what the true meaning of Easter is all about and while I still have some doubts as to why God would actually want us to give something up (thats for another post) it has more meaning then it used to and with the kids it is way more exciting!

Getting to choose how my kids celebrate Ester has been a really fun treat for me. I decided to keep some aspects of my childhood and disregard others.  My kids will be taught all the teachings of the church and when they are older i will let them decide if they want to adopt more of the religious aspect. But for the time being Easter at our house means the Easter Bunny and egg hunts and presents and chocolates.

We spent Easter morning at our house, just the four of us, hunting for eggs and presents. Ava loved searching the basement for Easter treats and we loved watching her excitement every time she found one. Knox was pretty oblivious to the whole thing but he would laugh every time Ava cheered.

We meet up with the rest of my family at the parentals house for Easter dinner. The older kids put a scavenger hunt together for the little ones. And the parents threw eggs around the yard for the littles to gather. All in all it was a pretty awesome Easter and thankfully Ava got way more chocolate then she can handle so there is plenty for mom and dad too:)

I can't wait until next year when Knox is right in there too! Hope you all had a great Easter!

Matts parents have been visiting for the last week and a bit. We have been busy visiting, playing with the kidlets and celebrating Matts Birthday. It was so adorable to see how excited Ava was to make Daddy a cake and sing him Happy Birthday, her enthusiasm makes even the little things seem so much better.

Here are a few pictures from our little Birthday celebration.

A few days after Matts actual Birthday we did something we never do, we left the kids in the trustworthy hands of Grandma and Grandpa and we went to the city to have a date night. It was a much needed getaway where we could solely focus on each other and have fun together. I feel like most of the time we forget to enjoy each other and we forget why we fell in love in the first place. All our time and energy is focused on the kids and by the end of the day we are exhausted and a little grumpy and have nothing left to give the other, this was a much needed break and a chance to just focus on us for once.

We went to dinner, did some shopping, went out for some drinks and then went to the new VIP theater that opened up (I highly recommend it, getting served drinks right to our seats was awesome and so worth the extra money). That night in the hotel room i didn't have to wake up to a crying baby or a toddler that had to pee at 3 am and i got to sleep in as long as i wanted, it was amazing! We have both decided that we need many more date nights, although we did miss our babies it was such a nice getaway and i found that since we have been back i am more patient with them and i am working hard at making sure that i take the time at night when the house is finally quiet, to spend some quality time with the man i love.

Feeling the Urge

This past weekend we stayed with my cousin and her little family. She is expecting her second child any day and has the sweetest little baby bump to prove it. Lately i have been feeling very content with my little family of four. Coming from a family of 7 i always wanted my own big, rambunctious family but the stress of having two little ones has had me second guessing that idea not to mention the fact that my husband is happy with sticking to a two kid maximum.

So with all this running through my head i assumed i was immune to catching any kind of baby fever, but i was wrong. Seeing that perfect little belly and watching her face as she felt kicks and movement i felt instant jealousy. I want that again and i want it now. I haven't had the easiest pregnancies (i talked about that here ) but yet i was wanting all of it, the backaches, heartburn, constant nausea...all of it just so i could feel that sweet baby growing and moving inside of me.

So now i feel torn. I know i don't have to make a decision right away, Knox is only 10 months and i gave myself a two year deadline to make a final decision. I just have to put my sudden desire aside, weigh out all of the pros and con's and just wait until i am certain that having another baby is the best thing for me, and my family. I just really don't want to make a decision that i will regret one day and i know that if i had another baby i would never regret it, but i could see regretting deciding not to. The idea of bringing another little Tara and Matt into the world makes my heart warm but thinking about more sleepless nights, the expense of another child and the constant craziness makes me hesitate and take a moment. So until i decide i am going to be dreaming of sweet baby bumps and the glorious smell of a newborn baby.

On Working Out...

I really hate working out. It is not something i enjoy and i kind of feel like the people who say they do enjoy it are just lying, both to themselves and me. I mean who would enjoy sweating and feeling uncomfortable? This being said i do enjoy the boost in energy i have after a good workout and it is because of this and the fact that swimsuit season is almost here that i have decided to start working out again. But i refuse to lie and say i enjoy doing it.

I am a big Jillian Michael's fan. Ripped in 30 and 30 Day Shred are my 2 favourites. The best part of her workouts is that they are 20min long. I find that very doable. I don't have time or money to go to the gym and i have two young kids that I can't bring with me, so at home workouts are my only option. The kids play or sometimes crawl on me while i workout but usually they can keep themselves entertained for those 20 min.

So please wish me luck and send a little perseverance my way, i hope that i stick to my workout plan but i also know that i may have days where the lure of the couch might be too much to turn down, i just really hope that doesn't happen more then twice a week!

The End of the Season

Ava finished gymnastics for the season last week and i wanted to share a few of her last days pictures. She loved going to class and got to meet some new friends, I can't wait for next session to start!